hello...

I'm back, and with a promise that I shall post everyday, or let me say whenever I can :)

its new....

its important that old things die, so that something new can be born...

a wish for a better tomorrow... a quest for a better self!



wishing all a happy 2009!!

Diwali Message!

the truth

hey if you think that i'm always cribbing, sad... well that is not the case, i'm a very very happy person! so here is a big smile from me!

Heartbroken

03:00 PM - But there is something that has made me a little upset… a friend of mine has got some work which he is happy about, happy enough that he had time to post that on his blog, but no time to tell me… guess sometimes it works better not to expect much from people around you… the sad bit is, it applies only when you are at the receiving end, at the giving end you are always expected to give all information… I’m a kind of person who hardly shares, and this gets me into trouble with my close circle of people! I sometimes have so many things that keep working on my mind that I really don’t know what to say and what not, and I choose to keep mum… don’t know if this is a crime… it never gets accepted… ah well more than anything as of now I’m hurt (P.S- the most silly things hurt me, I’m that extra sensitive) but what the fuck you expect your friends to share their happy moments with them, it would have made me happy for him as well! I would truthfully have been! I can’t believe that I’m actually crying and these dam tears don’t be stopping, I did not think that I was all this hurt, but somewhere deep down there I’m! I would have never done that, I would have told him if something good would have happened with me- this relationship is special for me, and I hope it is the same for him as well.
It feels so stupid that every time you set yourself on a relationship, you hope it works… I see it working beautifully for so many people so why the hell will it not work for me! I’m not all that bad…
So what I’m doing now, listening to some songs that are making me feel all the more nostalgic!

Welcome to Singapore

The airport looks great, but I did not have enough charge on my camera to be taking picture!! The place is so beautiful, clean- I’m amazed, no wonder people who come to India speak about the difference… hey wait, when people come to India they actually don’t mind dropping garbage on the street, why not take care, I’m sure it will make a difference! I’m alone after a long time; it feels great just to be on my own- for a change. I’m somehow feeling very safe and happy in Singapore… feels like I have some old ties with this city. It feels so familiar, so much like home… who knows I might make this home sometime! I’m enjoying e very moment of this solitude! I’m peaceful and happy after a long time…
I love the room in which I’m staying in, it has these nice windows which gives a beautiful view of the city… shades of white and the flooring is of wood… a sexy restroom, to drown yourself after a long tiring day at work, well today it will be after a good long flight and some unneeded tension… I love the houses, it is pretty i wish i have something like this of my own!

Confusion, confusion…

well I felt like an idiot, yes I don’t think anyone will be as stupid as I was… don’t think anyone in the whole world would have read 00:50 as 05:30… duh! God knows from where the 05:30 got into my mind that I did not care to check my ticket… I was all set to travel, luggage packed, cab arranged, final goodbyes said, last minute shopping done (that was till about 23:00 IST) and we were cruising our way to the airport… Ma said that they will wait for 15 minutes till I was gone and my usual resistance did not help in any way! Phew well that was good for, the crap I had screwed up my flight timings and missed my flight! But hey… I know I don’t have any excuse or anything to say! I contacted the flight office, their customer service and finally… finally managed to postpone my travel for the next day- lesson learnt, look at the time of departure on your ticket! At least show it to people so that if you’re dumb, you can rely on others sense of time!!

grey...

life is just not black and white... there are shades of grey as well!

uncertain

...love, life and relations are so uncertain! u never know what is in store for u!
but whatever it might be, it is for your own good!

i'm feeling pretty insecure today... worried as to what tomorrow has in store for me... but all i ask is the strength to take whatever comes my way!

nostalgic...

…when i thought of writing this post, i had many memories that i wished to word… but now when i’m actually sitting down to type it seems to be a very difficult task! this post is dedicated to someone whom i have loved the most in my life, from the time i was a toddler! and life has reached to such a juncture that i will no longer be able to tell him how much i loved and cared for him, how much i enjoyed his care and concern for me!

for many people he would come across as a strict, stern man… very few would have got to know the real him! a very loyal friend, I have seen him shedding tears when his friend passed away… he would never shy away the water from his eyes!

times when i used to be elated that he got me something that i was hoping to get, he would simply simple and say “you happy, i happy”, and would politely shrug away any words of gratitude! when i was a kid i had volunteered to contribute 1000 rs for charity and he did not agree for years back it was a huge sum of money, i still remember I fell sick as i did not get what i want at that time, he walked into my room and very slowly said that he would give me the money i want but just wanted me to become alright!

his love for us was never physical, not much of a hug or a kiss, he was very particular the way girls should be treated, and for us, it was the respect of a princess… no one could utter a harsh word to us in his presence, even a strong glare was forbidden… i know of the times when he used to cry that i used to get beaten up- which of course was all due to my naughtiness, but that did not matter to him!

it did not matter to him if I top my class, if people outside thought great of me- to him i was a star! and today i don’t have him with me- but i wish i will carry his love with me al along till the end of my journey!

this post is about my loving grand father who walked into god’s loving hands yesterday! he had one of the simplest departures when could wish for, a nice good night sleep!

dear daddy, i will miss you, there are so many unsaid words, so many moments not shared… but you mean a lot to me an and will always will!